What is marriage? What does it really mean? There are so many traditions in weddings, which is awesome. Marriage stands on its own, just like tradition, but things change over time, including how we see marriage. There are people who would rather not get married. Marriage is used for different purposes. Everyone is in a hurry to get married, and many then pay the price later on. Before taking steps to get married, you need to understand things and realize that this is a reality, not a fantasy.

When one gets married, there are those who need to be sure this is what they want—not allowing emotions to take over, but thinking, which many do not do. Don’t wait to wake up next to somebody and wonder where that person went; you weren’t like that before we got married. That’s when you ask yourself: Did I really take time to see this person, or did I allow all my emotions to completely take over and not see this person for who they were? Or did I choose not to notice, or was I tricked into seeing something different?

You can be with a person for a very long time and never know who they are; that’s a chance everyone takes. Some get married to their mothers or fathers. Everyone brings issues into the marriage and thinks that the spouse is supposed to fix them. What a big mistake! No one is hired to fix your issues; that is your responsibility.

1. Marriage is not about control.

2. I am not here to fix your issues.

3. I am not here to do your bidding.

4. Do not think you can abuse me mentally or physically.

5. This is not a contest to prove who is better or smarter.

6. No one is the boss.

7. Don’t use your ego and pride to make me look foolish or stupid.

8. I am not just here to take care of you.

9. You owe me nothing.

10. Don’t say I can’t do better without you.

11. I am not here to forgive you; that is your place to forgive yourself. Mine is to forgive myself for feeling how I feel and for the thoughts going around in my brain that involve you.

These things need to be understood before you take that step; if not, you’ll fall into the trap set up for you. I see many marriages collapse because of the expectations they have for their marriage and each other. Nothing is guaranteed, so open your eyes. All marriages are different; what works for others might not work for both of you. You need to find your own way. Marriage is a work in progress, just like raising a child; you learn along the way. Everyone wants answers, but many have them, and it doesn’t mean they are correct. What works for others again doesn’t mean it will work for you. Human beings are not as smart as they think they are. You blind yourself to too many things, mainly because you’re too tired to confront them or just do not like confrontation or feel it’s a waste of time—that shows something is not right in this marriage.

I don’t care what you believe in—whether it’s your religion or what the Bible shows you—the devil comes in many disguises. I am not religious, but I am a spiritual teacher, and that goes for people who are also spiritual: be aware of the mask you’re hiding behind. Everyone wears a mask—whether it’s a positive mask or a negative mask—you decide which mask you take.

Men and women want to feel safe, loved, cared for, respected, joyful, happy, and peaceful, plus have good communication as I said before—but that takes work and consistency. Remember all this starts with you first; then and only then can you share it.

Marriage is about acknowledging that you are a person first and realizing you have issues that you need to deal with before bringing them into the marriage. First get the help you need so you can leave it behind where it needs to go and start fresh. Like this, you're able to deal with what comes your way in your marriage and won’t be handicapped by your past. Don’t bring bad habits like drinking, drugs, or affairs into the marriage if you haven’t dealt with them yet; then walk away because you are not ready for marriage—all you'll bring is disaster. Don’t let pride and ego come into the marriage either; you'll lose out.

Make sure you realize that you are worth it and special—even if it’s just for yourself. Everyone is entitled to feel happiness, joy, respect, and love. Be honest with yourself so you'll never say could’ve, would’ve, should’ve when you had the chance. Do not sell yourself short—just think before jumping that rope!

Written by Guru Enlightment